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Dancing cans of Crystal Pepsi, Bartman posters everywhere… The 90’s was a very confusing time. On the one hand, Michael Jackson was still alive. On the other hand, the corporate world was just beginning to understand how fully they could exploit kids. The Bearded Man was just a boy back then, but of course he never looked like it. Blessed with a full beard from birth, he could have bought beer by his 5th birthday. Not saying he did or should have, but he easily *could* have. Occasionally, he’d find himself frustrated, down and out, and generally miserable to be around. In the heart of the summer, what was he going to do? Watch cartoons and waste yet another day? No, dammit! He was going to be bold — he was going to make a choice that would be good for his soul. He was going to do the one thing that any kid needed in order to turn it all around, no matter how things got. And with that, he packed up his backpack, and headed to Water World. Awwwwww yeah.

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